You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

Rant- to speak or declaim extravagantly or violently; talk in a wild or vehement way; rave: The demagogue ranted for hours.

For FUCK SAKE MY PHONE EATS ROTTEN SPIDER TURDS WITH A MELON BALLER!!!! I shit you not I work for the damn phone company you would think I could get a GOD DAMN phone that works!! Seriously, I resisted getting a phone with email and all that crap on it forever because I figured yeah my job owns my ass as it is let’s not compound it. Then the whole texting revolution overcame me and I had to finally fall in line. Great whatever, get me the latest fancy device with the touch screen and all that so the cool kids won’t make fun of me and throw rocks at me. Here’s the rub, THE FUCKING PHONE IS POSSESSED! The damn touchpad keys were made for two year old sized fingers, pygmy two year old fingers at that. So all of my messages I have to backspace a million times, which oh yeah don’t hit that key too fast or you lose your whole GOD DAMN MESSAGE! Add to that the fact that half the keys don’t even respond (this a new phone too) and when they finally decide to I get 9 million of the same letter, oh goodie more backspacing for me you rotten whore. Then the random just freezing up of the whole entire damn thing which requires you to yank the battery out and reset the phone is just another fine feature which makes me want to see if I can set a new distance record for cell phone tossing. I think my absolute favorite though is if I get an incoming message it comes in two different ways depending if my phone is PMSing or not. The “nice” bitch let’s me just touch the screen and see the message. The “ I hate men because my daddy beat me but I never dealt with it so I’ll take it out on you bitch” shows me I have one then makes me press and hold a button to unlock the screen. Great, prefect I can do that, but wait don’t hold that button down too long or you’re fucked and your phone shuts down, do it too soon and it won’t unlock. It’s like trying to talk a virgin into blowing you. Push it too hard and you’re spanking it into a sock at home, not far enough and you’ve got blue balls. And I’m stuck with this hunk o’ shit until September…….


I've left some puncuation, spaces etc. here at the bottom for your use should you need it to decipher the above :) Just looking out for ya ;)

...,,,,""??!!