You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

Rant- to speak or declaim extravagantly or violently; talk in a wild or vehement way; rave: The demagogue ranted for hours.

For FUCK SAKE MY PHONE EATS ROTTEN SPIDER TURDS WITH A MELON BALLER!!!! I shit you not I work for the damn phone company you would think I could get a GOD DAMN phone that works!! Seriously, I resisted getting a phone with email and all that crap on it forever because I figured yeah my job owns my ass as it is let’s not compound it. Then the whole texting revolution overcame me and I had to finally fall in line. Great whatever, get me the latest fancy device with the touch screen and all that so the cool kids won’t make fun of me and throw rocks at me. Here’s the rub, THE FUCKING PHONE IS POSSESSED! The damn touchpad keys were made for two year old sized fingers, pygmy two year old fingers at that. So all of my messages I have to backspace a million times, which oh yeah don’t hit that key too fast or you lose your whole GOD DAMN MESSAGE! Add to that the fact that half the keys don’t even respond (this a new phone too) and when they finally decide to I get 9 million of the same letter, oh goodie more backspacing for me you rotten whore. Then the random just freezing up of the whole entire damn thing which requires you to yank the battery out and reset the phone is just another fine feature which makes me want to see if I can set a new distance record for cell phone tossing. I think my absolute favorite though is if I get an incoming message it comes in two different ways depending if my phone is PMSing or not. The “nice” bitch let’s me just touch the screen and see the message. The “ I hate men because my daddy beat me but I never dealt with it so I’ll take it out on you bitch” shows me I have one then makes me press and hold a button to unlock the screen. Great, prefect I can do that, but wait don’t hold that button down too long or you’re fucked and your phone shuts down, do it too soon and it won’t unlock. It’s like trying to talk a virgin into blowing you. Push it too hard and you’re spanking it into a sock at home, not far enough and you’ve got blue balls. And I’m stuck with this hunk o’ shit until September…….


I've left some puncuation, spaces etc. here at the bottom for your use should you need it to decipher the above :) Just looking out for ya ;)

...,,,,""??!!

Nigeria girl why have you forsaken me?

Alas my friends the burgeoning romance could not last. The pressure of marriage and a few thousand miles between us ultimately spelled the end for me and my Nigerian princess. In the brief but oh so touching conclusion your hero has to take the hard line and end things. Unfortunately I neglected to save the conversation where she offered to send me photos of the "boxes of cash" that was to be her inheritance.

As saddened as I was by this I was comforted by the fact I was behaving like a woman apparently....


Enjoy

glosmith1978: Hello Hun..
glosmith1978: How are you doing..?
glosmith1978: Are you there Jay, It's been a while i hear from you..
dos246: I'm here
glosmith1978: Oh Great..
dos246: listen this isn't something that we can continue
glosmith1978: How are you doing,.? i've been looking for you online since yesterday..
glosmith1978: Oh what wrong Hun..?
glosmith1978: Have you hear back from Lawyer Jay..?
dos246: I'm really sorry about your mother and wish I could help but I'm not in a position to do so.
glosmith1978: And what happen between you..?
dos246: wee
glosmith1978: But why all this Hun,..? what did the lawyer said..?
dos246: anyhow, I hope that your mother recovers and you find what you are looking for but I have to go
glosmith1978: But why all this Jay.. Why are you acting like a woman.. Let me know what the lawyer told you..
dos246: I never heard from a lawyer, and I'm just being honest with you is all
dos246: I need to go now, again good luck to you
glosmith1978: But why all this,? would i be pleading to you just bcus you wanted to help me..?
dos246: I've already explained it to you
glosmith1978: That's what..?
glosmith1978: The Lawyer told me that he has get back to you.
glosmith1978: So why don't you want to tell me what he says...?
dos246: again I haven’t heard from him, I've told you that 3 times now

So there you have it, I was pretty devastated over the whole thing. Lucky for me though I have a certain special someone who's helping me get over it....

On a related note I'd highly recommend anyone to join a dating website, the kind of fun like you're seen here is just the tip of the iceberg. And don't worry there's yet another potential suitor for your beloved hero I've yet to reveal, and she's got a "great bust line". Stay tuned!

Nigeria Girl Part Duex

I hope you enjoyed our last installment and here's another for ya. In this episode our heroine reveals her true intentions and makes a proposal of sorts. I unfortunately did not save the one where she asked me for 500 bucks to help pay for the surgery. Too bad too but if anyone needs it apparenlty if you have no insurance and live in Nigeria you can get surgery for 500 bucks! What a bargain! Me being one to not let her off the hook so easy continues to ask questions which don't really get answered. Notice our relationship has now evolved to her calling me Hun and she's as demanding as my first wife on my time....

glosmith1978: Hello Hun
glosmith1978: You There..?
dos246: hey there :0
dos246: :)
glosmith1978: How are you doing today..?
dos246: doin pretty good, got to keep my job and it's almost the weekend, just enjoying the simple things :P how about you?
glosmith1978: Am back..
glosmith1978: I got booted
glosmith1978: Well am cool right here but been very sad..
dos246: welcome back, yes I can imagine, sorry things are so rough for you mother
glosmith1978: Yes hun.. I think i told you the other time we chat what the Dr told me about her health..
dos246: yeah she's not doing so well and you're struggling to pay for the surgery
glosmith1978: You're right hun..
glosmith1978: But the problem is that i haven't been able to raise the money yet.. But i had some properties i inherit from my late Dad...
dos246: oh really, anything you can use ther to help cover the cost of the surgery?
glosmith1978: But the problem is that i don't have money to travel down to contonue to go and meet his lawyer right there.. And beside i don't think he can release anything for me out of the properties..
glosmith1978: Because of the instruction my late dad gave to him before he dead..
glosmith1978: You still there hun..?
dos246: I would think they could give you something to make it there and then take those funds out of whatever your dad left you
glosmith1978: If that is the problem it's would've been better Jay..
glosmith1978: But it's the instruction my Dad gave to his lawyer before he dead
dos246: and what were those?
glosmith1978: what do you mean..?
dos246: what were his instructions that he's not able to help you with your inheritance
glosmith1978: Thanks..
glosmith1978: Well i don't know reason my Dad did it in such way.. He has instructed his lawyer that he shouldn't release anything for me even a penny out of the properties Until he comfirmed it that am married or am in a serious relationship.. And he make sure he talk to my boyfriend either on phone or by email and he know little about him before he should release it for both of us..
glosmith1978: You there..?
dos246: wow that's pretty wild, why would he do that?
glosmith1978: Well let reason together Jay..
glosmith1978: What did you think he make him do that ..?
dos246: I really have no idea
glosmith1978: Well according to the lawyer he said that he wanted to secure those properties and he don't want to to just waste everything Or just to prevent me from any victim of bad people..
dos246: but you couldn't do that on your own? why would you need to be married for that?
glosmith1978: I really just don't know what to do now.. And now my Mom is dying..
glosmith1978: what did you think i can do now Jay.
dos246: I guess it sounds like you need to find a husband and quick
glosmith1978: Though due to what the lawyer told me, The money is much and he said that he have to follow my Dad instruction before he can do anything for me..
glosmith1978: I think that either Jay... But would i started talking to men that they don't want me just because of situation..?
glosmith1978: And because of my properties..
dos246: I guess there are plenty of guys who would marry you just to help you out then you could end it after you ahd collected
glosmith1978: Sorry i got booted,...
glosmith1978: You still there..
glosmith1978: But is that you suggestion is right,...???
glosmith1978: why did you left me online Jay..?
dos246: I'm back
dos246: ran to lunch right quick

Stay tuned for finale of Nigeria Girl, sadly though our romance comes to an end very soon as I just cant keep torturing the poor girl when my heart's just not in it. But have no fear the break up is coming and it's a good one!

Nigeria Girl

Ok so I met this girl (possibly anyway I have my doubts) shortly after joining a popular dating site. It went pretty normal, she sent me a message and said we should chat on IM some time. Ok easy enough so I added her.....now what followed is quite possibly one of the most bizarre things I've ever experienced. I've laid out some of the choice tidbits for you below to get a glimpse into the amazing world of getting married for "boxes of cash"...enjoy :)


This was our first conversation ever other than a very quick note to add me on IM and we could chat. I know I'm not the smoothest guy in the world but I wouldn't even open with some stuff like this. And all my vital info was on the site as well as my name...

glosmith1978: Hello
glosmith1978: You there..?
dos246: Hey there :) sorry I was in a meeting
dos246: missed ya earlier :)
glosmith1978: Yeah.. How are you doing..?
dos246: Doing alright just working waiting for the end of the day, you?
glosmith1978: Am cool and alright as well.. Just come back from the hospital..
dos246: oh no, everything ok?
glosmith1978: Hmm not really.. \
dos246: what happened?
glosmith1978: Mom is from Africa, Nigeria.. Presently am in Nigeria now visiting my Mom she is very sick now, She is suffering from cancer of lungs.. And i got to take good care of her because she is all what i have now.. She have been take good care of me since when we lost my Dad
dos246: oh wow I had no idea, I"m terribly sorry to hear that
glosmith1978: And her condition is very critical now.. i
glosmith1978: But it's really tough if someone you love is in bad condition..
dos246: I know what you mean I've lost several family members as well, it's very difficult
glosmith1978: Anad i think we can know more about each other now for a while Jay..?
glosmith1978: Oh sorry to hear that,,
dos246: what did you have in mind? and it's ok it was several years ago
glosmith1978: Well i hope she get better soone so that i will be back to the states as soon as possible.. Anyway what is your name, Your age..? How long have you been on match.com.. did you had any luck yet..?
dos246: My name is Jay, I"m 35, and I've been on there maybe a month or so, been pretty slow really not much interest. What about you? I wouldn't have guessed from your profile pictures that you were from Africa
glosmith1978: Well am mixed, My Mom is from Africa, While my Dad is from New Mexico..
glosmith1978: And i was born in Alexandri Ohio..
glosmith1978: Am Gloria Smith 29yrs , Am single ne ver married..
dos246: I see, and you live here in kansas city nomrally?
glosmith1978: Am into modelling i model fashion designer..As a part time job. i still sbuy and sell inetrior fabrics
glosmith1978: Yeah..I live presently in Miami MO..
glosmith1978: What about you..?
dos246: very intereseting, I'm from the KC area, been here pretty much all my life, I work in the telecommunications industry
dos246: so your mom moved back to Nigeria at some point after you were born?
glosmith1978: Wow your work sound interesting..
glosmith1978: Nope she just came down here to see her Mom, Before i was called that she is sick and her condition is realy bad
dos246: so she went to visit her mom in nigeria and tha's when she got sick? Oh it's alright nothing all that special really, and with all the layoffs I'll find out next week if I get to keep my job
glosmith1978: Nope.. She've been suffering from the sickness before she came donw here..
dos246: oh I see, so are they going to try and get her back to the states or keep her there?
glosmith1978: But she use to take her Pill regularly..
dos246: How long has she been diagnosed with cancer?

This was just the first one of a few that we had, I'll be sure and share more at a later date. Any of you looking for a transparent skinned girl from Nigeria, who's a model let me know and I'll give ya a referral :P

Tight rope

Back again after a short time away as I was basking in the glory of my new found lady friend. It turns out all that anxiety and paranoia I had about my dirty secret was for nothing, she took it in stride and it was no big deal at all. Yet again amazing me, which is quickly becoming a habit of hers. Go me for blowing things up yet again, it's ok I lived in an environment of drama for so long I tend to expect it.

I had a great weekend spent with some really good friends and a certain lady friend as well. It was the 3rd date so I got the green light from the powers that be (thanks Jess) to make my move. Here's the funny thing, I'm a horny, dirty, bad man, typical guy walking around with a perpetual boner, it's ok I'm comfortable with who I am :). I actually enjoy talking to her just as much as making with the happy time sexo though. I'm either getting soft in my old age or I actually like her...a lot.

So here in comes the drama (you knew there had to be some right?). I was working from home yesterday as I do most Mondays and thought it would be nice to see her for a little bit. I also knew that STBXW was dropping my daughter off at the sitter's as well, which is just around the corner from my house. I've mentioned I'm lacking in the common sense area a great deal yes?

The good: as we're sitting on my couch I get a phone call from my lawyer. She tells me the settlement is all written up I just need to review and sign. Great news at last!

The bad: STBXW sends me a text as I'm sitting on the couch with my pretty and says she's dropping our daughter off and wants to stop by and pick up a muffin pan. In keeping with the new honesty in all things approach I told her it would not be a good time as I had company.

The ugly: STBXW proceeds to call me a hypocrite and a few other really nice things based on what I have no idea. Keep in mind now she's the one that left me months ago with very little warning other than I don't love you anymore and you're a lousy lay. And then while she was in her intensive therapy proceeded to hook up with the guy she cheated on me with for years and party her ass of while daddy sat at home caring for the kids, bills, and house. Lucky for me she's super extremely passive aggressive so there was no way in hell she'd actually stop by the house knowing someone was there.

When the first text came in Mary offered to just go then so as not to cause any trouble but me being again the genius that I am said oh no it's fine. So later in the afternoon I get the divorce papers signed and that's all well and good and decide to again try and do the "right" thing so give STBXW a call. She doesn't take the call of course but I leave a VM saying I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings but I wanted to be honest with you, divorce papers are ready to go you should be getting them soon and I hope you get to feeling better (she had been sick).

She stopped by later to pick up her stuff and of course there was no mention of anything. She did tell me she's planning to spend a month in France with her friend. WTF, she has no job, no money, and she's gonna just take off for a month, Umm ok guess I'll watch the kiddo no problem enjoy. Before she left I figured I had better broach it to at least try and get a gauge of whether or not I should expect to find my tires slashed or my dog in a stew pot.

I basically repeated what I'd said on the voicemail, she really had no response and left. Sooo keep all of your fingers and toes crossed that she does sign those papers and we can all live happily ever after :)

Thanks for spending the time and remember shaving your balls is ok, but using aftershave on them is NOT!

The Mrs.

Ok boys and girls today we're going to talk about Jess. We've known each other for well hell going on five years now I reckon (old age is a bitch ain't it). We met long ago in a galaxy far far away, in a far more innocent time, well not really.

I normally try and be funny or sarcastic in these things but there's nothing wrong with a little bit of seriousness now and again. Jess is a really terrific and wonderful friend. I've known her for a number of years and we've always gotten along well. She's had a metric shit ton of stuff that she's had to deal with in her life, yet despite all that she still has an outlook on things that impresses the hell out of me every time.

She's one of the most selfless people I've ever met, no matter what is going on with her she's always there to pick me up and dust me off, or tell me to pull my head out of my ass. And she does it with love and kindness, and maybe an occaisional fart ;)

She's got this guy see, a guy she probably never thought she'd have. They are so great together and it warms my heart to see them and how well the compliment each other. I know that being married and a homeowner and all domestic and shit terrified her, but she embraced it and I've never seen her happier. And she's growing, every day I see her do things and conquer things (mexican lasagna seriously??) and it's pretty impressive.

She's a student, a teacher, a cook, a poet, an author, and generally just really good people. If you are lucky enough to know her then you know what I mean. If you don't then you are truly missing out.

She really is a kind soul with a huge heart and I owe my gratitude to her fully. Thank you Jess for being who you are and helping me down the path, I'll be forever grateful.

Now don't go expecting too see a lot of these it's not really my forte but it was long overdue and certainly needed.

Just desserts

Ok so I did manage to for once do the "right" thing at least I think so anyhow. I think I"m finally over STBXW as I wasn't even really tempted a bit to go back down that path. Nice to finally put that to rest now if we can get the damn divorce papers signed before one of her alternate personalities throws a wrench in the works I can sleep a bit better.

I've stop talking to Tracy for the most part, she still texts me now and again or sends an IM. I should probalby in the spirit of continuing down the healthy/honest path just let her know that things probably are not going anywhere. She's too young, too far away, and there just isn't enough there between us to warrant pursuing it much further.

Mary on the other hand...well over the past 5 days I think we've somehow managed to spend nearly every waking moment either on the phone or texting each other. Yeah I know like I'm some damn teenager or something, but I've enjoyed every second of it. There in lies the problem. We went out for lunch on Sunday (our first face to face) and it went really well. Hell I was even stone sober and managed to keep up some great conversation and we got along really well. The more I know the more I like and she seems to feel the same way.

Here's the problem though, I've got an STD. Shocking coming from a guy with such fine moral fiber I know. I don't know where I got it or from who but I've had it for at least ten years that I'm aware of. It's not particluarly harmful to males but can lead to cervical cancer for women. From most of what I've read over the years it's a very common one with some estimates saying as high as 80% of sexually active people have it. It's also not one you can use any sort of protection to prevent either.

But what if she doesn't, I'd think that would pretty much end any type of relationship we could have right then and there. If she has it already then great, no worries life goes on and I can continue to enjoy the time with her and see where it leads. But if she doesn't I'm very concerned about her reaction, and it would suck very large very sweaty donkey balls if it went down that way.

We have our second date tonight and I plan to tell her as soon as we're together. I'm dying to just tell her now so if it does go badly I can get that out of the way and dealt with, but I do feel it's really something I must do in person. So yeah tonight could be a great time or I could be back at square one with my newfound lovelife (or lack there of) and missed out on what by all appearances would be a great woman.

I'm nervous as I'm not really sure if karma is done taking it's turn on me or if I'm finally back even yet. Could be setting me up for one last hurrah before it decides the scores have been settled, or it could be I've finally done enough to break even and I can get a shot at something good.

I'll be sure and let ya know what happens but cross your fingers and toes for me ;)

P.S. just to increase the pressure I went ahead and ended things with Tracy too, no sense in having a backup plan. It went far better than I thought but I still felt like a jerk.

Classic Doxy

Cleary this blogging stuff is cut out for real professionals I mean really death threats already for missing a few days damn, rough crowd cleary but I like the passion so here's a good un for ya. yeah Un it's kinda like one but Southun style get used to it I butcher the English language regularly, blame inbreeding, my absentee father, or society whatever helps ya sleep at night ;)

So yesterday was my 2nd wedding anniversary, which is pretty funny considering I'm expected to have to sign our divorce papers any day now, I was secretly hoping I'd get the call yesterday as that would be a pretty fitting end to a circus of insanity. Alas no luck, so my next bet is I'll get the call the same day I find out if I get to keep my job, which now is "sometime between wednesday and friday" Awesome thanks for the heads up.

But I digress back to my point, if I can recall exactly what is was...oh yeah the innner workings of my polluted and chemically altered brain. Ok so it's my 2nd wedding anniversary, no biggie really I'm kinda over the whole thing and ready to move on and have actually met not one but two nice ladies who I've been conversing with over email the past few weeks.

On the one had I have...oh let's call her Tracy, she's several years younger than me, has 6 month old son, living with her folks while she finishes school. We have several things in common mostly centered around sports (Chiefs and MU), and while we've not met yet the plan is apparently that we're just gonna do the nasty and then if we like each other go from there. Hey what guy isn't down for that right? Commitment free sex for a test drive well of course I'll take two thank you :) She's pretty cute, seems nice, and funny but I can certainly feel the age difference sometimes and physically she's not what I normally go for. Translations she's a little heavy kids, I like my broads scrawny, course if you met my first wife you'd really question that but when we got together she weighed like 90 pounds or some shit, but again I digress.

Now the other side of the coin is oh let's call her Mary, she's my exact age, has two kids (5 and 10), has been divorced for a year. Our common interests are mostly around movies (Kevin Smith FTW) and music (she likes punk music....seriously). Our conversations are much more about our lives, where we've been, what we've done, what we like to do etc. Haven't really even broached the topic of sex much really other than some stories about our ex's etc. Plan there is to go on a date and see how things go from there. Conversation is much more easy with her, I think due to more common interests, but being the same age helps too and her kids are older so we can relate in that regard (mine are 2.5 and 12). She's exactly my physical type I've always gone for as well.

So here's my dilemma, I'm single pretty much now so I can do what I want right? Sure I can that's what dating is all about checking things out, kicking the tires, seeing what's out there. I've got a limited schedule as far as when I can go out since I have my kids about 60% of the time I have to plan ahead and such. I had been planning to "hook up" with Tracy on the 21st, it's a weekend night I'm free and we were going to cut loose, have some drinks and get nekkid (yeah that's Southun too). Well in talking with Mary last night we agreed to go out as well, on an actual date not just the drunken humping bit, although that would be nice.

To add a little more fun to the mix my soon to be ex wife texts me for a booty call last night too (anniversary and all I guess).

So here in lies the dilemma. I'm a single guy and as such I should have no compunction (yeah shocked that a redneck could use them big words didn't it) what so ever about banging my wife, banging Tracy, and then having a normal date with Mary right? I mean hell isn't that more or less a fantasy most of us have had, meaningless sex with more than one person then have a normal date?

Here's my problem ladies and gents, I've actually got a damn conscience....It will most likely be my downfall, hell it has been in the past that's for sure. While the idea of screwing the soon to be ex (STBXW going foward) is somewhat exciting in my nether regions and it wouldn't change a thing, I'd be opening a door I said was closed and possibly screwing her up too (although I doubt that she pretty much places my value slightly below a cigarette butt). Hooking up with Tracy could be fun too but I know that relationship isn't going to lead to anything down the road, just from the way we interact and talk, it's just not there. Mary on the other hand I can really see there becoming a good relationship someday, however I don't want to screw it up by putting my hoo haa in either STBXW or Tracy's chingo, know what I mean?

I also made tenative plans to go out with both Tracy and Mary the same night, yeah I'm that smooth, again tell your friends, I need a bit more drama in my life :P

The Man side of me says screw every last one of them and enjoy yourself, that's the point you're unwed for the first time in a decade sow some wild oats. But my practical (the fucker I hate) side says if you are really looking for something long term then you need to stay away from STBXW all together, not be hooking up with a chic you know there is no future in, and give the one that seems to have what you are looking for the earnest shot.

So of course I'm not entirely sure what I'll end up doing, if history is any indication though I'll make the choice that leads to the most drama possible and complicate my life further, it's what I do I've earned a damn PHD in it already.

I'll be sure and keep ya updated though, if nothing else maybe I can sell tickets to watch the fireworks when it all blows up in my face :P

Typical Conversation

Just a sample of the kind of random ass conversations my friends at work come up with when trying to figure out what to do for lunch, seriously this shit is a daily type event. The names have been changed to protect the not so innocent (actually no they haven't because I'm lazy).




Jeff:
What time is lunch?
and whose birthday is it?
Mark:
I am out, gotta take care of a couple of errands

Troy:
it's salty's bday
Jeff:
yes it is
Greg:
NOPE
If so,, I'm going to a strip joint !!!
Troy:
they do have a lunch buffet
so I've heard anyway

Greg:
I bet they serve fish and chicken breasts
Jeff:
and tacos
Greg:
And extra sauce///
Troy:
cheesy tacos?
Greg:
and wonder bread,,,
Troy:
bearded clams
Greg:
I might eat that
good point and skinnless oasters
Troy:
are we going to lunch today
Jeff:
yes
Troy:
when
Greg:
I'll contact my lawyer
Jeff:
1132 crossroads
Greg:
Peanut butter bacon burger !!!
Now
Extra BUNS !!

Troy:
I'd have to pass on that
Greg:
String showing !!!
Greg:
Bikini lines
Troy:
I've banned that place
Greg:
Panties,, kinda Tight ???
Ok OK,, lets go
Troy:
waiting on you 2
Greg:
Yea right
Jay:
sorry guys I'm offisite today, have fun with the tight pants and extra buns and all that
Greg:
Ok,, Not as much fun as dooo in the shoe !!!
Jay:
lol I know

Perfectly logical

Ok so I work for a large Tcom company in the Midwest (gee guess which one but it's a type of race) and things have been pretty shitty here for oh yeah almost since I started 11 years ago. Recently though things have taken an even darker turn and I'm pretty much just waiting for my turn in line to get handed my envelope and fuck you thanks for nothing papers.

***Random*** ok so some lady just walked up to the cube across the aisle from me to talk to her boss (who just got laid off too) and she's bleeding from her hand and elbow because she fell down in the parking lot. This place gets more fucked up daily, you can resume your normal program****

It fascinates me that all of the training and propaganda that has been shoved down our throats over the years particluarly those of us in management was apparently to not be retained or used but rather for fun and to amuse us. Save the company money, make smart decisions, reward risk takers that do business the right way, speak out about excessive spending and poor planning decisions. Clearly that is all just a load of shit we're forced to ingest to lull us into some kind of robotlike state where we can easily be tricked....convinced to take on more work for less pay and no recognition.

Don't get me wrong I get it, it's a business and the fat cats at the top have to stay fat (no matter if the company goes bankrupt or not) and NO life is certainly not fair. Just ask my son I taught him that at the age of two and he's very well adjusted fuck you very much for asking. But can someone please explain to me the logic in giving an executive who had a great deal to do with the directions and choices the company has made gets rewarded with a multimillion dollar severance package for making shitty decisions and driving the company in the ground??

Meahwhile Mr. sucker...erm I mean worker bee puts in countless hours of work living in constant fear of job loss, skipping lunches and vacations to make sure that one project comes in on time and looks great on the off chance that they might keep their job. And when it doesn't work out that way you get a bag of airline peanuts and a T-shirt, hey thanks for playing and your years of service, oh and don't call us for a reference we don't give those here.

See the way I see it is that those at the top are the MOST responsible for fucking it all up, so they should be the ones that get the shaft, those that have slaved away in the salt mines for years being treated like crap should get the rewards.

Next time an exec gets laid off tell them, hey asshole your decisions cost us 4.5 million last year and your failure to act quickly enough to issues brought to your attention by aforementioned worker bees cost us another 2 mill in lost revenue, as a result you not only don't get a nice fat severance package but you aren't eligible for re-hire here or anywhere else ever again in this industry because you're proven what a fuck up you are. On top of that we're going to cash in your 401k and split it amognst all those unfortunate dedicated workers who lost their jobs due to your stupidity. MAYBE that'd make em think twice next time.

And just in closing, no I'm not bitter actually I'm just a really big attention whore and want you all to like me....really like me and figured some angsty rant with lots of curse words would do the trick ;)

Final note the big day will be Friday the 13th....how fitting they chose that day to let us know if we keep our jobs, corporate genius at it's finest!

Cats man, Fucking cats

Ok so I have this cat, that I've never wanted, told my wife I didn't want, yet she got it anyway. Both my son and myself are semi allergic and I just don't really care for cats, I'm a dog man damnit, cats or boring and pointless, plus they shit in a box, I mean how less masculine can you be right?

So since my soon to be ex wife (going foward STBXW) moved out 6 months ago I've been left to care for said cat (referred to going foward as "lil fucker"). So for the past few months I've been feeding lil fucker, cleaning his shit box, which has got to be one of the single worst tasks I've ever run across, making sure he's let in and out and all that crap. Apparently lil fucker takes this to mean that we are now best buds and that gives him free reign to sleep in my bed, climb in my lap, jump on my mouse when I"m trying to game, and best of all crawl between my legs when I'm trying to go down stairs with my arms full. I've nearly broken my neck a dozen times or more over the past few months. Lil fucker is also a pro at climbing into my daughters bed at night and standing on her head or chest until she wakes up yelling for me to come get the cat.

He also has a really awesome habit of going totally fucking apeshit crazy trying to kill the sponge. Yeah the sponge, the thing I use to wipe down the counter tops, WTF is that all about? How much fun can a piece of damn foam be, well it must have some hidden catnip in it or something because lil fucker gets ahold of it (despite my best attempts to hide the damn thing) and goes absolutely berzerk running fast as he can down the hall and jumping over the couch and diving on the thing.

Last night he decided to up the ante a bit though, I was in the living room jacking around online and watching the basketball game and I hear him making some noise from the back of the house. Seeing as how I can give two shits about him I kinda ignored it but it kept getting louder and more frantic. After a few minutes of this all of a sudden he comes bursting down the hall raising holy hell and I hear all kinds of weird noises, so having had enough already and deciding whatever it is he's fucking with I need to get away from him and stash him in the basement. I come around the corner of the couch to see lil fucker jumping in the air freaking the hell out as he's managed to get his head through one of the handles on one of those mall shopping bags, and has himself stuck but he's running for his life and keeps getting wrapped up in the bag and tearing it to shit.

After I got back up off the floor from laughing so hard I nearly pissed myself I untangled lil fucker and sent him on his way.

So anyone want a cat?